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Ugh. English homework. I hate English homework.

See, Iím sitting here, staring at the half finished project of mine in Word, doing nothing. Iíve been looking at it for hours without a clue what to write next. And, I figure, here are my options:

a) Keep on ďworkingĒ on it Ė that is, stare at it for another few hours with no progress at all.
b) Go off and do something more constructive. Thereís a list of a hundred things I have to do by tomorrow, and if I did them now, Iíd instantly make progress.
c) Take a ďbreakĒ in the hope it refreshes my mind and gets me to work by the time I come back. Which never works.

And I always say, better go with a. And then, hours later, Iím still staring at it. With no progress.

So the next time, I think, better go with b. Get that stuff done. And I get it done. But the homework, the thing I really needed to do is still there!

And thus, I find myself, at half past two in the morning, starting my homework. Only to stare at it for five more hours Ė and in the last ten minutes write something pathetic, have breakfast, put my coat on and leave for school.

Itís just... unproductive. Tiring. Wasteful. Pointless. If only I could control my productivity. Ha.

See, I figured just why this happens. An English assignment, to them, means speed, lack of artistic originality, formality. Which I just canít do. My writing just doesnít exist without figure. Itís impossible Ė physically impossible Ė for me to write without figure. I canít analyse poetry with such formality Ė I canít help it. It just comes out like it does from me.

And I sit for hours staring at that screen because I want to write Ė but I literally canít until my subconscious gives me the words. Itís writing without thought Ė and for poetry appreciation, thatís not good.

I get that writing burst for essays only when Iím tired as hell, and am under desperate pressure to finish. Because thatís the time Iím forced to write absolutely anything, because I have to. When Iím rushed like that, and too tired to think, my writing sounds speedy and sounds as if it has no figure. Which gives the impression of what they want.

It gets low marks, but at least itís done.

And then the next day, Iím even more tired. I can get the next project done faster and to even less quality Ė but when something turns up that needs quality, Iím hopeless. So I give myself a good nightís sleep. And then Iím stuck for hours on the English homework. Like right now.

Jeez, tough life, innit?

~ A rather tired mitxela signing off.

Author: mitxela
This page was uploaded on 11/02/07

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