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Chapter 1: The restaurant of Doom

I was walking along the street whistling as I went; I was on my way to Allgrey restaurant to meet my girlfriend Cheryl and go on a date. I was very excited and even the sight of what I thought was werewolves could not distract me from the best thing in my life. I entered the restaurant and walked over to Cheryl
“Hey babe” I said, she just grunted and we sat down. I looked around for the waiter who took our order.
This was definitely a strange dinner: every time I tried to speak Cheryl just replied with “Braaaaiiiiinnnnnssssss” I was slightly confused with this but still shovelled down my food. Suddenly the lights dimmed, and ever eye in the restaurant glowed eerily green. Suddenly Cheryl leaped out of her chair and tried to eat me.

Chapter 2: The Rescue. (Be warned things start to get very random)

I fell back off my chair and every once of me trembled, suddenly I heard gunshots, I turned round and saw a small purple man with a soviet rifle shooting all the zombies. After he was done I walked up to him “Who the hell are you?” I asked he replied that he was Tinky-winky, I was slightly confused by this news but was even more confused when he stuffed the soviet rifle into his handbag.
We headed out of the restaurant and walked along the street then out of nowhere several Werewolves came bounding at us
“Uh-oh!” shouted Tinky-winky he took a pistol from his bag a tossed it to me and shouted to run as I ran off I saw Tinky-winky get out his rifle and defended himself against his foes. After running for a few minutes I bumped into a man wearing a green tunic, I looked at him and realised who it was…

Chapter 3: The inevitable appearance of Link.

The man standing in front of me raised his eyebrow then walked off and beckoned for me to follow him. I did and as soon as I did he started to run we ran for a while and just as I was starting to tire we saw a werewolf bending over when we approached we saw he was eating Tinky-winky; Link looked at the werewolf in dismay then launched himself at the werewolf “Hyaa! Crap! Waah!” he cried chopping his fiend into bits he then got out an ocarina from his shield and played a tune then, out of nowhere a horse appeared he used sign language to tell me to get on and we rode off.
After a while I heard the faint sound of “Braaaiiinnnsss” then they came into view: zombies with protest boards I managed to see ‘We want brains’ scribbled onto one when Link rode through the zombies chopping them all to bits we got to the other side and Link jumped off the horse I jumped off as well. Standing in front of us was an organ; Link stepped up to it and started to play the anaconda song from Timesplitters2. There was a great rumbling and the organ sunk into the ground and there was a doorway we walked through and the organ rose up behind us. We walked into a corridor and saw a cool looking man “Ah! Link you’ve returned!” he said” And who’s this that you’ve brought back?”

Chapter 4: The Order of the Phoebe

Link got out a Nintendo DS and so did the man; Link was explaining everything by pictochat! After about five minutes the man looked up at me and said “Follow me.” We went down a corridor lined with big cheerful letters saying ‘Don’t Panic’. When we arrived at a bookshelf the man did a tap dance and the bookshelf swung open “Hey there” the man said to me “I’m master K and welcome to the Order of the Phoebe!” I looked round at the group of people in the room and they were very strange indeed. “That,” said master K pointing to someone crying on the bed “Is Triforce_master, he’s crying because mit erased his save file on Winnie the Pooh’s rumbly tumbly adventure, that one polishing the gun is Atrius, on the computer its mit, playing chess it’s The Doctor and Trinity,” The two people waved at master K “Umm over there playing on the Game cube there’s Homer Simpson and Professor Frink, and last but definitely not least, Phoebe.” I looked over to the sofa and saw the most stunning woman I had ever seen in my life; I had totally forgotten about proposing to my girlfriend just 8 hours ago. Suddenly mit shouted out “Eureka! I know how we can beat the mutants!” master K, Atrius and Phoebe rushed over to the computer I was left in the doorway, confused.

Chapter 5: The Plan.

“So,” said master K “Your saying that there are two ways to stop this, go to Highbury and smash an orb or go to America and destroy these creatures quicker?” “Yea” replied mit “But the one at Highbury is a lot more dangerous to get to” master K, mit and Phoebe eventually came to a decision “I’ll take a team to Highbury: Trinity, Doctor, Homer, Link, whatever your name is” he said pointing at me “And Phoebe. Everyone fine with that?” Everyone nodded “O.K now lets dance!” Disco a go-go music comes on and everyone started to dance like the hobbits at the beginning of Lord of the rings: the fellowship of the Ring. “Come and join in GLIVEN!” Frink shouted to me so I did. It was the best night of today everyone seemed to forget that there were zombies roaming across the world this very minute.
The dancing finished and we went to bed that night I dreamed the Cheryl was trying to eat me then got up and started doing the ‘hobbit’ dance with the words ‘Don’t Panic’ then I dreamt Phoebe was stripping for me but at the crucial moment something woke me up “WHAT?” I shouted at a startled master K.

Chapter 6: The long and lonesome road.

“You woke me from a really good dream” I shouted at master K
“Clam down” he replied “If we don’t stop these… things you won’t be having many more dreams.” I was still irritated by this interruption but followed master K into the hallway where the others were waiting; Trinity gave me a DS “Use this to communicate with Link and find out where others are if you get lost.” she said. Then we set out and walked.
3 hours later we were walking down a long and lonesome road and a shiny beast shone in front of us and he said “Play the best song in the world, or I’ll eat your soul” So we got out things that we could use as instruments and said to each other “OK!” And we played the first thing that came to our heads it just so happened to be the best song in the world; it was the best song in the world. Look into Link’s eyes and it’s easy to see one and one makes two, two and one makes three it was destiny. Once every hundred thousand years or so when the sun doth shine and moon doth grow and the grass doth grow. Needless to say the beast was stunned, with cracked whips up his tail and the beast was done. He asked us “Be you angels?” And we said “Nay! We are but men! And time lords, hylians and cartoons characters!” The beast then told us we could go.

Chapter 7: The wonderful city of London.

After several hours of wandering the Highbury stadium came into view but we were distracted by a load groan: more zombies. Link got out his DS and scribbled the message “Go on without me. I’ll hold them up” we followed his advice and ran. WE reached Highbury and ran in onto the pitch. Inside we saw two people in red and white shirts fending off some zombies with football boots. One of the zombies killed the shorter one and the taller one finished the zombies off; it was Thierry Henry. e ran over to us.
“What the hell is going on?” he asked
“I don’t know” replied Doctor Who “But I bet it’s got something to do with that pink orb.” I looked over and saw a glowing pink orb giving off a pink gas. Thierry walked over to it and picked it up.
“Watch out” shouted Trinity as he was attacked by a skeleton rising from the ground; he dropped the orb and it smashed a liquid oozed out and was moving out like an explosion in slow motion. Thierry touched it and exploded in a puff of pink smoke.
“Uh-oh!” said Phoebe “Oobjelly! Quickly get out of here” she ran and we followed.

Chapter 8: Oobjelly and buses.

We ran out of the ground and looked for a quick escape, master K looked over at a double Decker bus.
“Anyone know how to drive those things?” he asked
“I think I may…”Homer said but master K interrupted
“Fine I’ll have a go.” We ran over to the bus, master K got into the drivers seat and we sat in the passenger seats.
“So,” I said “What is Oobjelly?”
“Well,” Phoebe said “There are three types: Green, Pink and Blue. Green is a delicacy when eaten with Shreddies. Pink Oobjelly, which we have just seen kills any living thing in it’s path, including zombies, but stops advancing when it comes into contact with water. Blue, however advances until it has covered a whole planet”
“So,” I said “If the pink Oobjelly was here, does that mean there may be the blue stuff in the U.S?”
Phoebe smiled “Your learning fast kid” The bus came to a sudden halt, I looked out of the window and saw a smouldering ruin; where the Order of the Phoebe H.Q was.

Chapter 9: Ruined?

We all rushed out of the bus and master K, Phoebe, Trinity, Doctor Who and Homer roamed around the rubble.
“Hey!” I said “Look over here” Everyone looked to where I was pointing; Frink was dead. We all rushed over and Homer started to blubber and wail, Trinity was trying to comfort him. Master K picked up a DS and opened it; pictochat was running. He read

‘I Professor Frink write this here to tell the other members what happened on this fateful day. The creatures forced entry to the base. I held them off and told mit, Atrius and Tri master to run for it. They told me to meet them in Dover but I was gotten the better of. I now leave this for Phoebe and master K go to Dover and save the world from a terrible fate. And as for my final words, they are: EIVEN GLIVEN! '

Homer was still crying but Trinity looked up.
“Hey, Frink managed to rescue some Doughnuts for you!” Homer looked up
“Frink I love you!” he shouted and we all laughed forgetting Frink’s death. Master K spoke up “O.K people back on the bus, we walked on and drove away singing “This is the south preservation society” at the top of our voices.

Chapter 10: Berthing problems.

The bus came to a sudden halt. Everyone got out of the bus and I followed, we were on top of some cliffs; the white cliffs of Dover. Then four people ran over to us, Mit, Atrius, Triforce master and a man in a black cloak with a scythe. He explained that when Frink had died he’d been asked to assist us: the Grim Reaper was on our side! Mit then explained about why we needed to go to America; the blue Oobjelly and things. Then he showed us a Sea cat ferry.
“That is what we need,” He explained “Death, me and master K will clear a path, the rest of you follow behind and keep up.” We ran down a slope leading down to the port and got to the Sea cat unscathed
“Right,” said Phoebe “Mit, Triforce and Death come with me, we’re driving the boat. Rest of you protect the boat. Atrius handed me a 9mm pistol and the boat set off with a lurch. We looked around, there was a sudden rumbling; all the things used to get onto boats were crumbling to the ground.
One nearly hit the boat
“EVERYONE INSIDE!” shouted master K we ran inside and saw Crash bandicoot, Ty the Tasmanian tiger and other forgettable characters trying to stop us. Atrius got out a sniper ran outside and started shooting them. The boat was now leaving the harbour and, thanks to Atrius, was still in good condition.

Chapter 11: Gotta shoot ‘em all!

The sea was beautiful and peaceful; we were watching the seagulls fly in the air behind the boat. Suddenly I saw a seagull with a huge beak, then two, three, four.
“Hey what are those birds?” I asked
“Uh-oh,” said master K “Pelippers! Everyone get out a gun.” Everyone on deck: Me, master K, Homer, Atrius and Trinity got out guns and shot at the big beaked freaks.
“Shoot anything with a beak bigger than its face!” Atrius shouted. Suddenly one let out a jet of water that hit Trinity in the chest, she went flying backwards, unconscious. Homer was using a rocket launcher and taking out several Pelippers at a time, but one dive-bombed him and he was unconscious. Master K was rapidly shooting the enemy but he failed to see the five behind him who knocked him out. Now it was just me and Atrius, we were shooting the Pelippers as fast as we could but I had to reload, I saw a Pelipper open it’s large, empty, ugly beak and saw a jet of water spouting out towards me. I remembered no more.

Chapter 12: The end?

I was very comfortable. I was lying on a soft, plush substance. I opened my eyes and noticed I was on a bed. I looked around and saw master K, Homer and Trinity all sleeping like babies. I got out of bed and walked up the stairs at the far end of the room; I ended up on deck and saw Atrius sunbathing and Triforce master playing his DS they both greeted me and I waved absentmindedly back at them. I walked into the cabin and looked at Phoebe.
“What the hell happened back then?” I asked
“Oh you were just knocked out,” she replied “But don’t worry, Atrius and Death sort them out.” I saw Death nod acknowledging this.
“So,” Triforce master said walking in. “Are we there yet?”
“No.” Phoebe replied
“Are we there yet?”
“No.”
“Are we there yet?”
“No.”
“Are we there yet?”
“NO!”
“ARE WE THERE YET?”
“SHUT UP YOU ANNOYING FREAK!” Triforce master was shocked; he walked out of the room with a pout.
“Man he irritates me.” Phoebe said curtly. We all laughed but then I saw something odd, there was a giant squid wearing a bikini jump onto our boat; Phoebe swore loudly and ordered everyone to be prepared for a fight.

Chapter 13: The attack of a giant squid.

We rushed out onto deck and saw Atrius being attacked, Death jumped up with his scythe and chopped a tentacle off but to his and our horror it grew back, but it had let go of Atrius.
“Right,” said Phoebe “Everyone attack at once.” We all shot, slashed and, in Triforce master’s case made funny faces at it. The squid ignored the bullets and blades but when it saw Triforce master it cried out “Stop it… please stop…” we all looked at Triforce master who was now imitating a baboon. “I only wanted to be loved!” the squid wailed. “But… why are you so mean to me…. WHY?” it started crying. Phoebe walked up to it “There, there…” she said in a soothing voice “If you wan to make friends you don’t go around attacking people… you have to talk.”
“Really?” he sniffed “You mean I too can be popular?” Phoebe nodded “Wow! Thanks! I’m gonna make me some friends!” it said cheerfully “Hey… will you be my friends?” he asked we nodded nervously “YAY! You shall be rewarded!” he shouted and with that he jumped into the water with a splash, leaving behind something… I walked up to it.
“Great… it’s a used disposable razor… a girl’s one at that!” I said “I guess you’ll want this” I said laughing throwing it at Triforce master, we all laughed. Just at that moment master K walked onto deck.
“Am I missing something?” he said looking at us.

Chapter 14: American idiot.

A few weeks later, after having several great adventures we arrived at America. I heard a sound.
“Hey what’s that?” We all looked round for were the sound was coming from.
“It’s music.” Said Trinity “Coming from over there” she pointed at a forest.
“C’mon lets go!” Doctor Who said cheerfully. As we got closer we heard it was rock music, there was some sort of concert. We walked carefully into a clearing and saw Green day playing a song, they turned round and saw us, we waved smiling but Green day had jumped off the stage and were running at us wildly waving guitars and drum sticks around, they started beating Atrius up but master K just shot them all.
“Well that’s about it for Green day.” Master K said smiling. We all looked around then walked over to the stage; we walked up onto it and saw a shiny new dustbin and we saw next to it a man, cowering he saw us and screamed for help I just thought he was mad but then the dustbin leapt on him and leapt back off but the man was no longer there- he had been eaten! W all edged away, the bin started jumping towards us, we ran, we ran through the trees, it was about two minutes before we stopped; we had entered a beautiful garden. We saw a large thing in a bush.
“Hey!” I said brightly as it moved towards us “It’s a giant pepper pot!” but Doctor Who said different. “That’s no pepper pot, that’s a Darlek!” WE looked at the Darlek in terror as we head it speak in a high pitched voice…

Chapter 15: The other last Dalek.

“EXGERMINATE! EXGERMINATE!” then it shot out some seeds and out of the sucker it started watering them and soon enough little plants had sprouted. Doctor Who chuckled “Ha ha… someone rescued this and modified it into a gardener; But who?” Right on cue three men walked through a bush: Superman, Batman and Spiderman. “Hello we got bored of being superheroes.” Superman said
“So we decided to make a garden but we were too lazy.” Spiderman stated.
“So we saved a Dalek and re-programmed it.” Bat man said happily. We looked at the Dalek pottering around in the garden
“But why a Dalek?” Trinity asked “Why not something less dangerous?” We all nodded.
“We think Daleks look cool,” Spider man said. “Anyway we are rather hungry… how about human soup?”
“Do we have to eat human? I heard it’s disgusting” Triforce master complained.
“Don’t worry,” Batman said with an evil smile “You are the humans in the soup!” The three ‘heroes’ dove at us we all dodged and ran, Atrius dropped a mine behind him and we heard an explosion a few seconds later, but then we saw super man land in front of us.
“All your flesh is belong to us!” he snarled but Death just chopped his head off with the Scythe we ran again but heard a roaring engine we turned around, Bat man was driving towards us we all moved out of the way except mit who tripped over, we saw the car heading towards him… I looked at the others in horror.

Chapter 16: The end of Mit?

Suddenly hundreds of vines sprouted from the ground and wrapped themselves around the car, Mit looked up.
“I’M ALIVE!” he shouted “OH THANK YOU STRANGE VINES!” Just then we saw the Dalek approaching, he spoke
“I couldn’t bear to see them eat more people, so I came to help you” we all looked at each other, “They ate anyone who came near them, anyway what were you do-”
Suddenly a big fat pink banana came running up to me and he said “you’re nothing but a grapefruit” and I said “take that you great nana” and he said “no but yeah but”
And I said “what the hell?” then the banana ran off.
“Anyway,” the Dalek continued “What were you doing here?”
“We were running away from a bin,” Master K said “We’re on a quest for power… what?” he said looking at Phoebe.
“Well,” she said with a smile “We’re not on a quest for power; we’re trying to stop the evilness that has bestowed itself on the world.”
“Oh yea...” said master K slightly embarrassed
“Can I join you?” the Dalek asked sweetly we all nodded in agreement
“But what’s your name?” asked Triforce master
“I have no name…” the Dalek said
“Time for bed!” replied Mr McBottle stepping out of the gloomy swamp dripping with slime.
“Yuk!” the Dalek would have exclaimed if it had been able to. There was, however, a great gloop of custard in its speaker and all that came out was a “Ylbub”.
“What the HELL is going on here?” Phoebe asked hysterically
“Iunno.” Mr McBottle said walking off. We all scratched our heads then started to talk again
“How about Dennis?” I asked “As his name.”
“Why Dennis?” The Doctor asked.
“’cos he can be named after a Dutch footballer!” we all nodded in agreement, then Atrius started to clean out the Dalek’s speakers.
“Where next?” I asked
“To the Pentagon!” shouted Mit and we went on our way shouting “NI! NI! NI!” and pretending we were horses.

Chapter 17: The harrowing return of Mr McBottle and the gloop of custard!

The pentagon came into view; it was an amazing site to see the huge white building with five corners. We walked up to it and looked for a way in. Just at that moment we heard a voice
“Over here.” It shouted I thought the voice was somehow familiar nonetheless we followed where it came from and sure enough there was an entrance.
“I’ll go in and check out the area, see if it’s safe” said Dennis, he proceeded into the building and we followed at a safe distance. We navigated the eerie passage ways and reached the centre, we were outside and I saw a blue orb glowing in the middle of the garden.
“Right,” said Phoebe authoritatively “We know if we touch the Oobjelly we’re gone so we have to find a way of getting off the earth until the danger has passed.”
“How?” I asked
“Well, we get a space ship and stay on a space station until the danger is gone.”
“Isn’t that…” Triforce master started
“Any better ideas?” master K asked we all shook our heads “Great that’s decided, now Dennis do you have a good place to keep the Oobjelly safe.” Dennis opened a compartment and master K placed the Oobjelly in, suddenly there was a large cracking sound we looked round and saw a pale figure
“I am Lord Voldemort!” he declared we all acted shocked “Now to kill you! Arvada Kera… ouch!” he had stumbled and standing behind him was Mr McBottle “Grrr you shall also die!” but he had no time left to speak, his head had been chopped off by a figure in a green tunic, Link! He and Mr McBottle stepped forward; Mr McBottle did some fancy flips, kissed Trinity then spoke.
“Another great adventure for Mr McBottle, now to save some more innocent mutes!” he back flipped away
“So, what have you been doing?” Doctor Who asked Link with a smile.

Chapter 18: The Adventure of Link.

We all got out our DS’s and Link started writing.
Remember when I stayed to fight the zombies? Well I was killing them fast, when I noticed they weren’t fighting back. Then I saw that they were all wearing gas masks and chanting “Mummy, Mummy, are you my mummy?” I was confused by this then noticed that they were closing in on me, I sensed danger but there was nothing I could do but suddenly they froze and I saw a man clothed in bright blue. He told me to follow him, and that time would not be frozen for much longer. I followed him and he jumped into a strange shaped thing, it looked like a giant baked been.
“Come on, get in we’re going to find your friends.” I climbed into what I now realized was a spaceship the doors shut and I sat down in a comfy foam seat the craft took off and soon enough we were speeding across the ocean.
“Before we find your friends I have a mission. As well as the zombies there is a greater threat: The Care bears on their care quest, they are turning everyone into mindless love freaks. We have to stop them! Oh and my name is Mr McBottle just in case you didn't know.” I looked at the computer map and saw we were heading for Russia.


Chapter 19: From Russia with love.

We landed in a deserted city Mr McBottle jumped out and beckoned for me to follow I did and soon enough we had walked into a large open area with a fountain in the middle he handed me a small cylinder with a red button, I pressed it and saw it was a blue light sabre then I saw bright coloured object moving towards us, when it was closer I saw it was hundreds of bears- yellow, orange and pink. There were also other people; I saw Marge Simpson and George Bush as well as other people. When the advancing army was about 5 feet away a baby blue one at the front spoke
“Join us on our care quest and make the world a place for loving and caring!”
“We will never join you, Count Mooku!” Mr McBottle shouted, then jumped into the air did a forward-backward-sideward-cartwheel flip and landed in the middle of the care bears, knocking several of the waist-high creatures over. Then he got out a green light sabre and started chopping them up. I decided to join in and started killing the bears. After a while they were all dead.
“Come on,” Mr McBottle said “Lets get away from this blood bath” he ran off and I followed we jumped into the space ship and took off. Mr McBottle flew the craft over the massacre zone and sent several bombs down and flew off.
“Just to make sure they don’t come back alive. And now to find your friends! ” I looked out of the window at the sea below and thought about all the creatures we had just killed.

Chapter 20: The Phantom hen eggs.

I felt a jolt, I looked at Mr McBottle he looked worried, then I looked out of the cockpit and saw that we were hurtling towards the ground, we landed and the craft transformed into water.
“Safety mechanism,” Mr McBottle explained “Just very hard to repair afterwards…oh well lets go” We were in some kind of swamp I followed Mr McBottle until we reached a hut Mr McBottle went inside, I followed. The room was dark, dank and smelt of rotten marmite and cheese sauce; I noticed that it was a hen hut, but there were no hens to be seen, suddenly I heard Mr McBottle scream
“Get you light sabre out!” I did so then saw why: loads of hen eggs were jumping up and attacking us I lashed out wildly but to no avail: they seemed to be ghosts I heard Mr McBottle scream then I felt a pain worse than giving birth and remembered no more.

Chapter 21: The other harrowing return of Mr McBottle

I looked up and saw I was at the pentagon and there was a terrible sound like a chicken in a microwave being crushed in a food mixer with Jack Black sing classical music. I turned around and saw Mr McBottle covered in gloop.
“Oh I just took a detour through the swamp, met your friend but now’s not the time to talk, we have to be prepared to save your friends” I gave him look implying ‘What do you mean?’ but he just replied with
“Oh I read the earlier chapters…” I was left confused by this remark but followed him nonetheless; he walked up some stairs onto the roof and started doing what looked like karate moves on a strange pink bush. Then I saw you lot walking into the middle of the grass area and pick up the orb suddenly I heard a load crack and saw a man in a long robe, Mr McBottle and I snuck up behind the strange man, Mr McBottle clumped the man round the head with a fish and when he turned round I stabbed, who I now saw was Voldemort. And then we were reunited :).

Chapter 22: The console war.

We all turned our DS’s off then headed out of the Pentagon. We were walking for about half an hour when we came into a huge field, suddenly we saw huge shadows falling from the sky then there was an almighty bust of silence, and several giant gaming consoles landed around us. I could identify the Nintendo Gamecube, Nintendo 64, Nintendo Revolution, SNES, DS, GBA, the Sony Playstation, Playstation 1, Playstation 2, Playstation 3, PSP and the PSX. We stared at the consoles in awe then noticed they were lining up, 6 Nintendo consoles facing 6 Sony consoles. Suddenly the PS1 charged at the N64, the DS jumped up and clamped the PSP, the Gamecube knocked the PS2 over which flipped back up and body slammed the `cube, the SNES jumped up and slammed down onto the PSX, the Revolution rammed into the PS3 which fell onto it, the GBA started to jump up and down on the PS. Suddenly the PS exploded knocking the GBA into the PS3 which fell off the Revolution, then the Revolution and GBA were jumping on the PS3. Next the PS1 destroyed the N64, but the DS swung the PSP into the PS1 which greatly damaged both consoles. Then the PSP shot a UMD towards the DS which just clamped it and sent it flying back at the PS1, destroying it. Meanwhile the Gamecube was slamming its lid down on the PS2 very hard, at that moment the PSX blew up and the SNES then snuck up behind the PSP and slammed down on it, the PSP flipped round and shot a UMD at the SNES, knocking it out of action but the DS had got up behind the PSP and shot a cartridge at it, destroying the enemy handheld. Now the only Sony console left was the PS3, the Gamecube just having destroyed PS2, all the remaining Nintendo consoles charged and destroyed the console. Then the Nintendo consoles floated up into the sky.
“OK,” said master K “What the hell has that got to do with the storyline?”
“It’s just to prove Nintendo is greater than Sony.” Mr McBottle said jogging the other way.
“And why does he keep turning up?” moaned Triforce master.
“I guess we’ll never know…” Came Homer’s reply. And so we were off again to save the world.

Chapter 23: The attack of the moans.

We were walking along a road, Dennis the Dalek had used his GPS and told us that Cape Canaveral was only two days away if we kept up this pace. I heard a load moaning and looked out at the hills, there were thousands of figures heading our way; I stopped so did everyone else in the party. Then we saw that there was a battle going on, thousands of moaning zombies against a small group of people
“C’mon,” said Trinity “Let’s go help!” We ran down to the small group of people
“Need any help?” The Doctor asked
“Yes,” said a man “I am Joey, the leader of the Fellowship of the thing; we are trying to stop the evil threatening this world.” Phoebe then stepped up and started talking I looked around the group: there was Mario, Captain Jack Harkness, Morphius, a Cyberman, Ned Flanders, another horseman of the apocalypse and some other people that I did not recognise. Now master K, mit, Phoebe, Joey and two people I didn’t know were talking.
“Okay,” said master K “Let’s fight these zombies!” We all got out our weapons and attacked the attacking army, still moaning, which was very annoying. I got out my .9mm pistol and started shooting, master K was shooting with a soviet rifle, mit with a Tommy gun. Atrius was trying to setup a ground to air rocket launcher; Dennis was screaming “Exterminate” and shooting his laser, the Mario was shooting fireballs, Death and the other horseman were attacking with their scythes, the other people I didn’t know, Phoebe and Joey were all using guns and the Doctor, captain Jack, Morphius, the Cyberman and Trinity were engaged in hand-to-hand combat. The battle was vicious first Morphius fell to the zombies, then the horseman then Captain Jack. I heard a scream, spun around and saw Mario being eaten by a zombie, who was moaning and eating at the same time, I thought this was very bad manners. The battle was near its end, we killing a lot more zombies than they were killing us, although the Cyberman, the three people I didn’t know and Ned Flanders, who had died with a lot of ‘diddly’ were all dead. Atrius finished the rocket launcher, he fired, there was one... two… three loud explosions. All the zombies had been defeated, I looked round at the Order of the Phoebe, even Triforce master, who was a wimp, had fought bravely; then I saw Joey, he was the only survivor of The Fellowship of the Thing, he was sitting down, head in hands; Phoebe walked up to him and they whispered for a few seconds, then Phoebe spoke up
“Ok, we’ve decided Joey will be joining us on our quest!”
“Woohoo!” Homer shouted and we all joined in and cheered our new member, not noticing the hooded figure creeping up behind us…

Chapter 24: The hooded Gamer.

“MWAHAHAHAHAHA!” a load voice laughed behind us. We all spun around and saw a hooded figure
“Who be ye?” Death asked
“I am,” The hooded man said “The great, the powerful, the confused, CoNfUsEd GaMeR!!!”
I looked around; everyone was standing, seemingly astonished, then CoNfUsEd GaMeR spoke again
“Now I will kill all of you with names beginning with the letters A to K MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!” he moved forward up to Atrius, he took out a screwdriver from his pocket and was about to drive it into Atrius when Triforce master ran forward and knocked CoNfUsEd GaMeR over and started slapping him while giggling.
“EEK! EEK! SOMEBOD… OW… STOP… OW HIM… NOW! OWWWW!” CoNfUsEd GaMeR cried. Triforce master eventually jumped off and CoNfUsEd GaMeR ran off, crying and screaming.
Triforce master then shouted at the top of his voice “PWNED!”

Chapter 25: The space rocket of doom!

We arrived at Cape Canaveral two days later, and, fortunately we saw that there was a space rocket about to be launched, we hurried forward into the station, hoping to hijack it. We saw a scientist stumbling away from the control base.
“Get out… of here!” he cried “its madness, MADNESS!”
“What’s madness?” Joey asked
“The… the… Jigglypuffs!” he said sobbing “they’ve killed them all!” he then ran off crying
We continued forward, despite this strange warning, until we got to the launch pad. There was a large staircase going up around the rocket, at the launch control was about 50 metres away.
“I guess we need to start the rocket by ourselves, then.” Master K pointed out
“But who could do that?” Phoebe asked
“So you’re trying to save the world but not one of you can start up a space rocket?” I asked disappointedly
“I can!” Triforce master said in a hyper voice, we all looked at him with raised eyebrows “Hey! I can! Honestly!” he protested “My dad worked with NASA, he’s brought me to his job several times, even to a rocket launch, and I know the controls!”
“Well OK, you can try,” Phoebe said sceptically “But someone will stay with you to guard you, Atrius maybe?” Atrius nodded his head in agreement. We all walked off to head up the yellow stairs.
“Oh and if possible, make the flight on auto-countdown so you have time to get on the ship yourselves.” Master K added.
“Duh.” Triforce master mumbled.
I sat down in a seat which, I thought was a position where I wouldn’t have to do any work. The rest of the team was discussing going into space, and listening to Homer’s account of his time as an astronaut. Suddenly we heard through the radio cheers as Atrius and Triforce master had set the rockets launch sequence- the had one minute. The next thing we heard was a large chorus of “Jigglypuff!” and Atrius shouting for Triforce master to run and then gunshots. We all crowded round a window and saw a figure running from launch control to the base of the rocket then in the doorway and figure walking backwards, followed by a large pink mass- maybe the scientist wasn’t mad and there really were evil Jigglypuffs. When the first person was running up the stairs the second turned and ran, lots of pink blobs following, some started floating up towards the higher levels of stairs; the second figure, which we assumed was Atrius, tried to shoot a few down, but as far as I could tell failed. Soon after that Triforce master was near the top of the stairs, Mit opened the door for him, and just as we thought Triforce master was safe a Jigglypuff landed in front of him, Triforce master didn’t notice and tripped over the pink blob, and fell of the stairs, for and few seconds nobody knew what to do, then Trinity ran at the Jigglypuff, picked it up, and threw it off the edge, but at that moment we heard a dreaded word
“Ten.” It was the countdown. Mit rushed out and pulled Trinity to safety
“Nine.” We still couldn’t see Atrius
“Eight.” No sign
“Seven” There he was! Could he make it to the rocket in time?
“Six.” Some Jigglypuffs landed in front of him
“Five.” What would happen now?

Chapter 26: The end of Atrius?

“Four.”
“EXGERMINATE!” Dennis cried out, plants sprouted up around the Jigglypuffs, then, a vine wrapped around Atrius.
“Three.” The vine started to drag Atrius towards the door
“Two.” He was in!
“One.” Joey slammed the door shut.
“Lift-off.” Atrius rushed to his seat.
The rumbling was tremendous, I looked out of the window, down far below I could see huge bursts of fire encasing the area below, I briefly thought of Triforce master, who surely would have died during the launch, before having to cope with travelling at several thousands miles per hour. It felt like I was going to explode, then there was a large rumbling sound- as if the spaceship was falling apart, we were safe though, so I guessed it was just the shell breaking off. I looked out of the front window- there was the space station, after a brief pause there was a jolt and we were on our way.
We arrived at the space station. Phoebe stood up.
“OK team, Triforce Master’s death was tragic, but his service to us will not be forgotten, his death will be avenged!” We all cheered and one by one, climbed out of the hatch. I was disappointed that the station had artificial gravity, but I supposed it saved me the trouble of learning how to float.
“Right!” master K clapped his hands “we’re gonna look for the freak running this show, we’ll split up into two groups of six, Group One will be led by Phoebe, Group Two will be led by me.” I was put into Group Two along with master K, Mit, Atrius, Homer and the Grim Reaper. Phoebe, Link, Joey, Dennis, Doctor Who and Trinity were in Group One.

Chapter 27: The Watermelon Trap.

We had arrived in a large room, about the size of half an Olympic swimming pool. As soon as we had all entered the room, the door shut behind us and locked itself. There were fifteen waist high pillars in the room, each one with a juicy watermelon on top. The door at the other end of the room was locked, and we were beginning to give up on escaping when Homer saw a small plaque by the door at the far end of the room, it read
“He who wants to pass to the next room must take the correct watermelon off the correct pillar; he who takes the wrong watermelon shall be attacked by ninja turtles.”
“Ah so it was that simple!” Homer said laughing “All we had to do was take a watermelon off a pillar…”
“Uh let me remind you there are fifteen pillars.” Atrius said
“D’oh!” Homer shouted
“Ah don’t worry,” Mit said cheerfully “I’m sure we’ll pick the correct one, why don’t you pick one, Homer? You have a taste for food!”
Homer nodded and walked to the middle pillar, took the watermelon of it. Nothing happened for a few seconds, then; a hole appeared in the ceiling and six ninja turtles dropped from it. Each one picked a member of ‘Group Two’ and advanced, Atrius sighed, got out a Luger pistol and shot each turtle in the head. Homer picked another watermelon. Another wrong watermelon. Six more turtles drooped from the ceiling, Atrius shot each one dead. Homer picked the wrong watermelon twelve more times; Atrius shot the turtles twelve more times. Finally Homer picked the right watermelon, and the door opened.
“Woohoo!” he shouted, Atrius just grumbled about wasted ammunition, then we walked through the door, it was dark, but I could just make out three figures on a platform, on the other side of the room. It looked like there was a crevice in between us and the three figures, and on the left wall there was a large window into a large fish tank. One of the people spoke.
“Oh. So you got past our watermelon trap, how irritating. Oh well I see you made it to the centre of our operations. Now you will learn the true meaning of fear!” The light turned on, we stood, stunned by who was in front of us.

Chapter 28: The leaders.

On the left was a man in a wheel chair, Steven Hawking, on the right was Bill Gates and in the middle was Woody Allen.
“Oh. My. God” master K said “The world has been taken over by three nerds.”
The three men laughed
“We may be nerds…” said Steven’s artificial voice box
“We may be unpopular…” Bill continued
“But darn it we outsmarted every one of you puny humans, video game characters and internet forum names!” shouted Woody.
Death coughed.
“What?” snapped Bill.
“You forgot agents of hell.”
“Ooh get you!” sneered Steven
Death continued this pointless banter so that they wouldn’t notice master K and mit sneaking round to the edge of the pit, Atrius threw some mini-bombs at the opposite side to distract further. Then, master K and mit fired a hookshot at a wooden crate over the other side, they were both pulled over but Steven noticed
“Hey! Stop them!” he screamed, but Bill and Woody were to busy arguing with Death about the weather.
“Sunny weather is good!” shouted Woody “We can use electric goods outside!”
“More people die in thunderstorms!” replied Death
Steven took matters into his own hands, helicopter blades sprouted from the wheelchair and he hovered over to mit and master K A laser came out of one of the armrests, and shot the hookshots, they both evaporated, then he aimed at master K…

Chapter 29: Will the nerds prevail?

“NOOOO!” Homer cried out, he took a bottle of beer out of his pocket, opened it, and threw it at Steven, beer splashed all over the wheelchairs electronic equipment and it exploded in a brilliant flash of blue, green and pink. Mit and Master K who had been crouching out of harms way stood up and ran towards the two remaining nerds; Master K tackled Woody and they started fighting, Woody Allen was a surprisingly good fighter, matching master K blow for blow, albeit with the advantage of a large pineapple to hit master K with. Mit took on Bill Gates and they started doing deranged ninja moves, it was a stalemate.
“Hey shouldn’t we help them?” I asked but Atrius shook his head
“They like to have fair fights, without help” he replied
“You call that pineapple fair?” I exclaimed and Atrius laughed. Suddenly two things happened at once; Mit knocked Bill Gates off the ledge, he fell screaming into the dark depths of doom, master K and Woody were fighting right by the edge; Woody threw his pineapple into master Ks chest and he fell, but not before throwing his grappling hook at Woody’s chest and dragged them both down into the pit, the last we heard of master Ks voice was
“NEVER LEAVE YOUR DOUGHNUT WITH A FAT PERSON!” and then he was gone.

Chapter 30: The Final tasks.

“Well. That was unexpected.” Atrius said
“He’s gone.” Homer whispered
Death walked to the edge of the pit. He looked over, then sat down with his legs dangling over the edge.
“Uh… Death?” I asked quietly, but Atrius motioned for me to be quiet.
After about five minutes Death stood up.
“He won’t become a zombie now.” He said, and although this made things slightly better, it didn’t really cheer anyone up.
After sometime moping around I spoke up
“C’mon, we need to continue with our quest, and save the Earth, he wouldn’t want us to collapse now without him.”
“I agree,” Atrius said “If we stop our quest now, master K’s death will have been in vain. Let’s find the others, and end this thing. Forever.”

“DAMN IT!” Homer shouted “We’ve lost two member of our team now, and we can’t even get back to Earth now!” The spaceship we had arrived on had gone missing, and tensions were running high in the now reunited group.
Phoebe spoke up “Just… calm down Homer, I’m sure we can…”
Oh don’t tell me to calm down!” He retorted “We’re trapped on a floating piece of metal with limited supplies! We’ll be dead in two months!”
“Homer…” Phoebe started but Atrius interrupted
“Listen. We need to stick together, I’m sure we’ll find our way out, remember, we still haven’t finished our tasks, I don’t know what we have to do, but if we tear ourselves apart then the world will be doomed.”
Suddenly Death fell over, but was smiling when he sat up
“O.K Triforce. You’ll have to be quick though”
And the ghostly outline of our dead comrade appeared.

Chapter 31: The Strawberry scrolls

“Triforce master!” Phoebe exclaimed “You’re a ghost! Wait… does that mean our other dead comrades can return?” In answer to this question, Triforce master nodded, as if he expected the question, and two more ghostly figures appeared; Tinky-Winky, who had saved my life all that time ago, and Frink, who had contributed to many of our world saving efforts.
“I wish we could talk,” Frink said “But we have an urgent message, we don’t have long in the world of the living.”
“Yeah,” Triforce master added “Your space ship is on the other side of the space station- don’t ask me why but there is one task you need to complete before you can go home.” The discussion went on for about an hour, in that time we learnt that you can’t visit the world of the living unless you pass a test, master K was taking this test, so he couldn’t visit yet. We also learnt that we had to find and destroy the Strawberry Scrolls to stop this kind of thing ever happening again and let the zombies’ souls rest in peace, so, after the ghosts left we went on our way to the centre of the space station.
“Do you think this is it?” Trinity asked
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure,” Joey replied “But the door is locked, and it is a fifteen hundred digit code, to guess that we’d have to be pretty damn lucky.”
“Ah. Let me clear the way!” Doctor Who said cheerfully, he stepped forward to the door and took out a small pen-type device, pressed a button, and whole appeared in the wall
“Woohoo! Let’s go!” Homer exclaimed and we all jumped through the whole, which closed after us, into a large room with shelves everywhere, leaving barely enough room to move, on each shelf there were several scrolls.
“Now,” Phoebe said rolling her eyes “All we have to do is work out which one of these hundred scrolls is the one we want.”
“We could just destroy all of them.” Joey suggested, but something sprung up in my memory- a dream I had the day this all started
“Hang on.” I commanded “I had a dream the day this began told me, what I thought was an insignificant message: ‘The scrolls that aren’t about Strawberry must not be destroyed or you shall perish!’ That means we’ll have to find the right scrolls or we’re doomed, DOOMED!”
“I know how we can solve this problem” Dennis said “I can use my scanning feature to find the scrolls we want, then they can be cut up” he made some bleeping sounds, and then squeaked
“Third row next to the Barbie!” We all rushed to the given co-ordinates, Phoebe picked up the scrolls and opened them
“These are the ones!” She squealed
“So who’s gonna destroy them?” Trinity asked
“I think we all should have a part!” Homer shouted, we all agreed to this so, Joey held the scrolls stretched out, Link took out his sword and cut through the scrolls, then again, and again, and again, then Homer stamped on them, Trinity ripped the pieces into smaller bits, I spat on them, Dennis sprayed them with manure Phoebe sprayed them with moisturiser, Mit and Atrius shot them, and Doctor Who sent them to another dimension.
“And that’s the end of that chapter” Atrius said, rubbing his hands together.

Chapter 32: The parting of the ways.

We arrived back on Earth a few hours later, landing in the seawater just one hundred metres away from Blackpool pier, and once everyone was safely out of the water and onto the beach we staggered our way up the beach, our bodies trying to get used to being back on the planet’s surface again.
“Hey…” said Joey “No one’s here. Blackpool should be, like, really busy at this time of year, where’s everyone gone?”
“I guess the Oobjelly wiped everyone out.” Trinity said bluntly “Look’s like we’re the only people left alive on Earth.” Her words had an alarmingly depressive effect on our group, and no one spoke until we had left Blackpool and were walking down the road that led to Southport.
“It’s time for me to go,” The Grim Reaper said, seeming quite sad. “I guess I’ll see you guys when you die…”
“Bye Death!” we chorused
“Seeya in hell!” Atrius added jokingly, the Grim Reaper faded away, but laughing as we all were, he had departed on good terms.
Five minutes after Death left, a ghostly figure appeared in front of us.
“Master K?” Phoebe exclaimed
“Oh. My. God!” Homer shouted, master K laughed
“Alright, alright calm down. I just came to say by before I go to the final resting place. The others couldn’t come, they have already fulfilled their purpose I just need to complete mine: by saying good bye.”
He went to us, one by one, saying goodbye, when he came to me he asked a question
“By the way you never did tell us your name. What is it?”
“Well,” I said smiling “I haven’t used it for so long, I’ve forgotten it!” we all laughed so hard, most of us were nearly crying, the exception was Dennis
“What’s so funny?” He queried, this just made us laugh harder, but we stopped when Master K spoke again.
“Ok, I’ve got to go now. I’ll Seeya on your death beds, I’m gonna get an apprenticeship to Death!” then he was gone.
“So,” mit said with a wavering voice “It’s over.” We walked solemnly into the sunset, but, when looking into the sky, why saw something to cheer us up: the clouds had seemed to form the four faces of our dead comrades.

.:The End:.
Or is it?
No, it’s definitely the end.
Oh, so there’s no sequel?
Pah! Don’t be silly there’s no way there could be a decent follow up to this!
Oh. Ok. Well… I guess it really is the end…


All original characters © master K 2005. All other characters © their respective owners.

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